A walk in the Park

“You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own.

And you know what you know.

And you are the one who’ll decide where to go…” ~ Dr. Seuss.

I imagined that by 30 I would be married, living in a house with a white picket fence, with at least 2.5 kids and 2.5 dogs running around… That’s how this is meant to turn out, isn’t it?

I stuck to the beaten track, the one that leads to the picket fence.

Undergrad and honours degree…tick.

Rewarding career…tick.

Long-term relationship…tick.

Driven by society’s expectations, my family’s expectations and my own impossible expectations.

I was always uncomfortable in the mould.

So, I nipped and tucked until I could squeeze myself in.  Then, I waited for my life story to begin, biding my time until it did. I was going according to the check-list, but couldn’t help feeling that there must be more. I couldn’t see the joy and made no effort to find it.

And then, it all changed. I simply made the choice, I am in charge; I am responsible for this life. I choose to believe that there is nothing more profound than this day, the thousand big moments embedded in this day, the moments of forgiveness, courage, fear, happiness, sadness, regret and hope.

Along the way I had forgotten what I’m made of, how much I’m capable of, how strong I am, how resilient I am. I had forgotten that I have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, and a soul worth tending.

So, the journey began...

In a single year, my long-term relationship ended; I moved twice; I was involved in 2 robberies, one armed; I jumped out of a plane and swung across a stadium; I scuba dived in paradise; I zip-lined above a canopy; I picked up a guitar; I explored my creativity; I appreciated my old friends and made new ones.

I relied on my family, especially my mom.

I rediscovered strength in her that I aspired to as a little girl. I owe my compassion, my determination, my courage, my level-headedness to her. She is my inspiration. Her mountains were cancer, motherhood, entering the workforce at 40, obtaining a degree at 43, a marriage ending. She now has her health, 3 thriving and happy children, a successful career and love. All who know her and love her are passengers on her journey. There is no mountain she can’t climb.

Armed with this new lease on life, I opened myself to the universe knowing that opportunities would present themselves.

I met Shira in my honours year, a bubbly, crazy-smart girl whose positive energy was contagious. That energy made me feel like I can conquer the world. I’m not a glass-half-full, save-the-world kind of girl, but Shira made me feel like I could be.

We lost touch and have seen each other twice since varsity.

Over coffee this year, Shira spoke of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, she spoke of a group of women climbing in support of women who face challenges that we can’t even begin to imagine every single day. This resonated in every fibre of my being. I was in.

Then, I started to think about climbing Kili, about the cause and had many discussions with different people. In one of these conversations, a wise male friend asked me what being a woman means to me, what is feminism, what it means to empower women, do I realise what I could do with this opportunity? In all honesty, I hadn’t ever really really thought about it.

But, that isn’t the point.

The point is that now I know what I don’t know. It is an opportunity to learn and pass that knowledge on. Each personal discovery births new questions, new wonders, new boundaries to be breached, new mountains to climb.

Empowering myself to empower others.

This is bigger than the group; we can take this idea beyond our wildest imaginations.

Am I climbing this mountain just because it’s there, to say I’ve done it, to get to the top, or is there something more?  For the physical and mental challenges; the agony and the ecstasy? The spiritual journey? To be involved in a worthy cause? To share this experience with an optimistic, strong group of women who see the change that is possible in the world? To travel? To meet and get to know the locals? To replace boredom and restlessness? To learn? For the journey?

…Yes.

I don’t want Kilimanjaro to be another check box on a to-do list or just a “once in a lifetime experience”, I want it to be an opportunity to learn, I want it to be the beginning of many more life changing experiences.

Suddenly anything seems possible. It’s not the aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude! 

Today is my big moment, moments, really. The life I’ve been waiting for is happening all around me. I have yet to appreciate this.

This is it. This is life.

By Siobhan Wilson