Fear and Courage

“Why did G-d create fear?” my 7-year old daughter asked me one morning when we were sitting at the kitchen table sharing a moment over a cup of tea. I thought about the question and answered, “how would we know courage if we didn’t know fear?”

That seemed to satisfy her mind and as she mulled over my rather paradoxical answer, it struck me that this is the paradox that I’m sitting with as I contemplate my pending journey up Mount Kilimanjaro.

I am the type of person who seeks challenges. The bigger the fear, the greater the challenge and the more enticing the goal. Fear draws me closer with brain chatter going at full speed as I contemplate the fact that fear will not be the thing that stops me from doing something that I want to do. A lack of desire may leave many things undone in my life but fear draws me closer, beckoning me to come and play. If I fear it, then there is something worthwhile about the goal.

So when climbing Kilimanjaro arrived on my bucket list a few years ago, I had regarded it as something that I will do… someday! And now someday has arrived – with a perfect opportunity that has fallen into my lap – a women’s trip for a cause that I believe in and am already committed to and with all the complicated logistics taken care of! I can’t say no to this. There would be no excuse… saying no would be succumbing to fear.

And what am I most afraid of?

·       The bitter cold - I’m the first person to pull out the boots as the summer sun begins to fade away

·       My full schedule that barely leaves me time for myself let alone take on a rigorous training programme

·       Roughing it for 7 days with minimal washing and other important facilities. I am the one who loves luxury and revels in staying in comfortable hotels with top class facilities

·       Not having my husband with me who has been at my side for every challenge I’ve taken on so far in my life

So why am I doing this?

·       To experience the truth of the paradox that in order to experience courage, I need to feel the fear and do it anyway

·       To conquer a literal mountain as a symbolic journey of the many challenges and mountains we conquer in our lives

·       To enjoy a truly spiritual experience. I feel closest to G-d in the most untouched and natural settings. This is where I see true spiritual magnificence that transcends our daily living and shows us a world that was designed in way that defies comprehension. In such spaces we can just be ourselves

·       To honour women all over the world who have been an inspiration in people’s lives – we will be carrying these women in our hearts as we climb

So there it is – I’m scared and I’m doing it!

by Daphna Horowitz

24 April 2012